What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 10:09
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
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Where the ultimate outsiders.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ive learnt so much.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was in good health!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And i lived it daily.
As i do to all so called friends.?
What is something you saw while on an airplane that you couldn't believe?
She loved him until the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So whats the point in blame.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Can supporters of gun control explain the purpose behind a gun registry?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Comes on , in middle age.
Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What makes females believe or think abortions are part of a woman’s rights?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was 9 years of age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Would this be the day?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I have no regrets .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But ive been too sick for many years..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I waited trembling.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She married twice! .
All the time i was locked up.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She found it foreign!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I will be 64.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I said to her
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was scared of men, in general
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
What did i know ?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One cannot live in the past .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My life is so biszare .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I couldn’t, believe it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It was going to be , some day.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But it wasn’t much.
Who then, do I blame.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im still living with it.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When she asked me how she looked .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She wouldn,t have been !
I think the readers, may guess!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We all went to grammer schools
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But, we were locked up after school.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.